I am not abandoning my weight loss journey but on Nov 7th (the day after my last post) I found out that I am pregnant with our third baby. It wasn't expected at this time but it's a very welcome surprise. So I'm not done but I am on hiatus right now. :) Baby Bartlett #3 is due around July 13, 2014 and I am 9 weeks now. :)

Progress pictures front view

30 lbs lost 11/6/13

20 lbs lost 10/8/13

Progress pictures side view

20 lbs lost 10/8/13

30 lbs lost 11/6/13

30 lbs!

Today I hit 30 lbs lost! 262 lbs. :) I think the last time I was in this weight range was probably about 6m-1 year after we got married and it just ballooned from there. I am SO close to hitting the 250's and I never thought I would see those again. Tomorrow after I find out what Ryan's schedule for the week is I am going to call and schedule a follow up appointment with my doctor and get my last months worth of phentermine. I am really not all that sure how much of my loss is the phentermine and how much of it is really just hard work and determination.

It's been pretty cool out so I have started going back to the Y instead of walking. Tonight I walked the track and it was totally packed out. I power walked it and felt super proud of myself because I was passing and lapping people that were obviously much smaller than I am. I am far from being in perfect shape but I honestly feel like I am in the best shape I have ever been in. It feels really good to be taking care of myself like this. I am determined to hit 250 lbs by the end of the year and anything on top of that would be icing on the cake. So I will have a month and a half to deal with 12 more pounds. I can do that! I really think I might be in the 240's by the end of the year. I'm really hoping to be into the 250's next week when I go for my doctor's appointment too.

I have been bouncing back and forth between 264-65 for the past 3 days and would just love to break out of that. The closer to the 250's I get, the more excited I get! I seriously can't believe how far I have come! My end of the year goal is 250 and that is so attainable now! No way I could have imagined that when I first started out. I am really ready to start seeing a difference in the way my clothes fit. I think my jeans are a little looser on the legs but not noticing enough of a difference that I would need to buy anything smaller.

266!

I cannot stop sneaking into the bathroom to step on the scale again. It's like I can't even believe what I see. It occurred to me earlier that the majority of my life I have been so overweight and hated how I looked and it has affected everything I do. Even though I have such a long way left to go for the first time ever I feel like I am loving myself (and not in that self-centered kind of way). I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and sometimes I look in the mirror and even think I might be beautiful.

I stopped taking the phentermine for a week, gained 3 lbs, then decided to go ahead and take it again. During that week I quit I ate a bunch of crap and didn't exercise at all. So I am back to exercising and limiting my portions and we will see where this goes. I am back down to my 268-69. I really desperately want another 20 lbs off before the end of the year so that we can go back to trying to have a baby. I could really start trying anytime I want but determined to lose that 20 more lbs. I will NOT ever let the scale see 300 lbs again! This is determination.

After thinking about it some more today I am going to go ahead and stop taking the phentermine. I still have 3 weeks worth of pills left and I think I will go off of them until December and then take what I have left. Hoping that the break will cause another big loss when I start back up. In the mean time I plan to start keeping track of calories to ensure I am eating enough and going to get myself back to the Y and start working out again. It is about to start getting cool enough that I would have to go there to exercise anyway. Might as well use the membership I am paying for. The tough part is that I don't have the KidZone anymore so I will have to go around Ryan's schedule. I will make it work out some how.

At a completely discouraging stand still on weight loss. For over a week I have been 268-69. Not doing a thing differently it's just completely plateaued. Still taking the phentermine but I really feel like I might as well not since it's not doing anything right now. :( I forgot to schedule a follow up appointment and need to call and do that but I am frustrated and don't want to go in there and see their scale tell me I'm stuck. Not giving up yet but I am very discouraged right.

I just realized that I really want to have a log of all my weigh ins somewhere so I am going to start one here and just edit it as it goes.

Starting weight 9/20/13-292 lbs
One month weight 10/11/13-270 lbs
10/20/13-268

269 today!!! I may have to take myself to the Y this afternoon. It's supposed to rain so that might prevent me from walking outside.

Ugh I need to break through this barrier and get myself into the 260's. We went to a birthday party yesterday and I ate pizza and a very small piece of cake so that was kind of a splurge for me. Waivering between 270-71 the past few days and I would just love to see the scale say 269.

I am having a hard time seeing the changes the weight loss has brought too. I hope it's more obvious to others when looking at me but when I look at myself of course I am more critical. I thought when I looked at my body in the mirror this morning that my top tummy fat roll looked a little smaller and my back fat is starting to look a little more trim as well. It's such a very small difference so far. My BMI is also finally under 40!!!It's 39.29. That's pretty huge for me! Once I got under 275 I weighed the least I have weighed in probably 5-6 years. I think I was around 270 when I worked in medical records and that was about 6 years ago. I think I need to take an almost naked pic of me so that I can look and see the difference in a month or two.

Obviously I have not done a good job of keeping up here. One month in and I am down a total of 22 lbs! I am totally amazed! I have gone from 292 to 270 in one short month! I am really super excited to see what this next month brings me. It's going to be a little harder doing this during the holidays but I am all in now and nothing can stop me. I was originally shooting to get down to 250 before the end of my 3 months of phentermine but having the success that I have had I have decided to go for 240. I am very certain that I can lose another 30 lbs in the next two months. I won't be stopping after that so that is just a short term goal. Ultimately I think I would like to get myself under 200 lbs but that is going to take some time. I just know that I NEVER want to go back and I will do everything in my power to move forward, keep hitting my goals, and maintain my loss.

9-14-13

Breakfast-plain bagel with stranger cream cheese
Lunch-Two eggs scrambled with spinach and parmesan cheese
Dinner-bowl of oats and honey special k
Snack-banana

9/13/13

Phentermine day one
I felt jittery all morning and part of the afternoon but it started wearing off after a while. I could definitely feel the difference. I went grocery shopping and nothing even remotely sounded good and I could feel my stomach growling but I didn't feel like eating.

Breakfast-Bowl of cheerios
Lunch-salad w/ romaine, spinach, cherry tomatoes, grilled chicken, broccoli, and vinaigrette dressing
Snack-banana
Dinner-two small squares of Pizza Hut cheese pizza and one regular bread stick

Starting over

Well I spent the first 5 months of the year busting my ass trying to lose weight. Went from 292 to 277 at one point. After that is just stood still. I got frustrated, threw in the towel, and gained it all back again. Right back at 292 to where I started at. I went to the doctor this week and was prescribed phentermine to help with my weight loss. Back to eating healthy again and I will resume working out next week although he said that I do not need to do any extreme work out right now and that walking will suffice. He said I should lose 20-25 lbs in the 3 months on the medication. Everyone I know who has taken it has lost at least 30 lbs and after reading success stories online it appears that a lot of people my size have seen as much as a 40-50 lbs loss. I am going to really push myself as far as I can these next 3 months and see where it can take me. After the 3 months my doctor says they will continue working with me towards my goals. Feeling a renewed excitement and anticipation in all of this now. I am going to try to post every day even if only to say what I ate or what I did for exercise.

I have been on and off the wagon the past month but have done really well the past week. I worked out 4 days in a row. I took today off and did some binge eating, not good. Now I can't wait to get back at it tomorrow! I went from not even being able to do 10 minutes on the elliptical earlier in the week to doing 25 minutes yesterday. My sister Emily joined the Y and went with me three times last week. She was on Spring break and goes back this week so not sure how much we will get to go together now since she will go mostly in the evenings. It was nice having someone to go with. I really need to buy an mp3 player to help pass the time so I don't get bored and lonely while I am working out. I love working out but food kills me. I want all the things that are not good for me.

On a very positive note, I measured myself a couple months ago and measured again today and have lost an inch around my bust, waist, and arms. I need to pay more attention to my arms and core. We are in the process of getting ready to TTC so I am really crash dieting/working out to lose as much weight as I can before I get pregnant. I am taking provera to bring on my period and then going on clomid so I could be pregnant within the next month. I intend to work my ass off until I get that positive test and then keep working out all the way through pregnancy.

I am feeling pretty darn frustrated with not losing any weight. I am staying under my calories every day and working out 3-4 times a week. It is hard to keep working so hard when I am not seeing results.

I don't know why but it just register that if I DO lose 2 lbs a week through the end of June as planned I will be down to 244 lbs!!!!! I haven't been down there for almost 7 years! I am SO motivated!!!!! Now off to the Y to sweat! The girls took huge naps and are just waking up so maybe I can stay for 1.5-2 hours today!

Stayed within my calories for the day! Woo woo! Didn't make it to work out but I will go tomorrow and that will be 4 times this week so still really good.

My legs/thighs look thinner to me today! I really should measure everything and track the inches.

I am now down 5 lbs from when I first started 3 weeks ago. Considering I said 2 lbs a week and I am only 1 lb short of that, I am happy. It does seem to be a slow process but slow and steady wins the race. I googled what 5 lbs of fat looks like and oh ma werd, so glad that this is NOT in my body anymore! Disgusting! That's the size of a small baby!

Tracking my calories is WAY easier than I thought it would be and putting down every single thing I put in my mouth is definitely an eye opener. There are days when I fail at it but for the most part I am staying under what my daily calories should be. Last night I got to go to the Y kid free. I hit a new record for me and was able to do the treadmilll for a full hour! I burned 495 calories. I am going to start working on increasing my speed. I plan to walk/jog/run a color race on May 4th and I want to get in better shape before then. There is another in April that I am considering doing as a practice run. Over all I am very happy with where this is all headed and this is the longest I have ever stuck with it. Motivation is at an all time high!

I am now 2.5 weeks in and it is really hard to keep motivated when  I have yet to see the scale budge. Everything I am reading says not to get discouraged and to push through because sometimes it takes time to see the results. It was very hard pushing myself through my work out at the Y this morning. I got on the treadmill and set it for 30 minutes and 5 minutes in I was saying, ok I am going to quit when I hit 10 minutes. 10 minutes in I was saying, I am going to quit when I hit 15. At 15, I said 20. Once I got to 20 I said screw it might as well finish up. I am glad I did because I felt great when I was done and it really got easier the longer I went. I really hope that I start seeing a difference on the scale soon. Even a couple pounds would be very welcome. I think I will buy a measuring tape and measure everything. Maybe at this point I am losing inches instead of weight. Next week I have my yearly doctor appointment so I might have them check my thyroid as well. I have never had thyroid issues but from things I have read if your thyroid isn't right it can cause you to gain weight/have trouble losing weight.

I have only loosely been keeping track of what I am eating, not really counting calories. Really just watching portions and making sure I am not eating garbage. I think at this point it is time to track every single thing I put into my mouth. If that is what it takes then that is what I have to do.

Time to start all over but this time I MEAN it! We bought a YMCA membership and I started last week. Worked out 5 days last week and so far this week 1 (but it's only Monday). I am feeling very positive about this. I am not sure I am ready to calorie count yet but making healthy choices and trying a lot of new things. One of my goals is less meat and more veggies. I have all kinds of recipes for new things and I am working on my menu planning and grocery list making skills. Food always has been and always will be hard for me. The exercise on the other hand, now that I am actually loving! Loving getting that time to myself. The girls love the Y kidzone and that makes it easier on me too. I love sweating off the calories and most of all, I love how I feel all day after a good work out. I have very noticeably had more energy on the days I have gone to work out instead of being tired all day long. My favorite thing is the stationary bike. It burns calories really fast and it is kind of a goal of mine to be able to go on the Bike Across Kansas with my dad so I feel like this is good early practice. Usually I do 30 minutes on the bike and go about 5-6 miles. Right in the middle my legs start killing me and then I push through and get it done. Today I decided to do 40 minutes instead. I made it 8 miles and burnt 278 calories and I must be getting conditioned because I didn't start hurting half way through like I usually do. After that I went up and briskly walked the track 5 times. I confess I picked out the slower people on there and made it my goal to pass them and lap them as much as possible. Not that that was anything to be very proud of since the ones who were slower than me were senior citizens and people more out of shape than I was. Still, it made me feel good to not be the slowest person on the track. It is amazing to me how much I am enjoying this! I look forward to going every single day! So far a 3 lb weight loss after a week. My goal is 2 lbs a week for the next 6 months. That would be 8 lbs a month and a total of 48 lbs. I can stand to lose a lot more than that but that is my first huge goal. I can do it!